I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
vagina is talking i cant
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
