Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
