I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
