Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
