if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
