You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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