i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
