thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
