Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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