is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
