true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
