Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
