Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
