A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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