I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
