He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
