I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
