we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
