here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
