For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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