Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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