i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
