i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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