I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
