There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
