I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
