Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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