I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
