the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize