no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
