I have demons in me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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