i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
