my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He felt like a one man threesome
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
