i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
