I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
