mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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