who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
