i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize