I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
