STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize