i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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