Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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