one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
