Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
