Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
