i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
