is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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