You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
