We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
