Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
