I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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