I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Drake has all the answers
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
