similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
