oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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