break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
