you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
