We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
