who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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