I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
