hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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