Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
