My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
