May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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