I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
