I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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