Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
