Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Holy sore nipples Batman
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
