I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize