Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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