Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
