He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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