It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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