i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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