I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
