i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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