Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize