Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
