wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
