My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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