My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
