that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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