I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
