apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
