Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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