just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize