i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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