glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
