So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
