Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
