First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
