somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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