No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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