I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
