my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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