at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
