well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
