I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
