Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
