we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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