does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
