im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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