the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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