There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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