I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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