you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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